So rub it in in your dumb lyrics

Here’s what’s on my mind today:

I just had to run home from work for a minute, and I must say really quick that it makes me really happy to see that Derren has decided that Hailey (our two-year-old boxer) is allowed to stay out of her kennel now when nobody is home. She’s my favorite creature ever, and I’m glad to see her growing up. I can only imagine the hatred and jealousy that Sierra must feel. I will keep a close eye on this doggie drama as it unfolds.

Slow day at the Paintball Park today and I contemplated making a mad dash for freedom, but I realized that all I’d do if I went home was read or write, and I can do both of those things equally effectively from work, so here I am. What’s up blog?

It’s been a week or two since I legitimately updated this thing, mainly because I took my trip to Nashville for a week. It was very good, particularly getting to see Sara and Brandon. Full of some emotional ups and downs, but all in all, really really good to just get away and see old friends and just reaffirm that there are places and people that aren’t here. That concept has been mulling around in my head for a little while, and surprisingly difficult to grasp; and while Nashville isn’t exactly a world away (it’s not even another state), it was a much needed reminder. Memphis feels vacuous lately, and it’s gotten me thinking a lot about leaving. This city is my home and I feel an intense attachment to it, but I’ve been feeling tapped lately. I believe that people are people and places are places everywhere, but I think that I could forget that for awhile. I went and reread that last sentence and it comes off as depressing and cynical, but I’ve been kind of feeling that way lately. There’s something very attractive about going somewhere where I don’t know anybody and, just throwing myself out there, to thrash around and see how well I swim. I’m a’crazy fer a’stirrin’. I’ve lived in basically the same five or so square miles for pretty much my entire conscious life (minus the one year in Murfreesboro) and with Derren for most of the last six years. He’s my best friend and, as I said, Memphis is my home, but I’m just feeling stagnant. I’m getting older and it’s getting time I made a move, lest I waste away in complacency.

I want to go to Seattle. I can’t explain why. I’ve only really been there once and I know I wasn’t there long enough to really get a feel for it. I just feel drawn to it. That’s silly.

Anyway, I have and have had every intention of documenting my trip to Nashville, and I know that the longer I wait, the greater risk I run of details slipping my mind. Perhaps I will do that today.

Last night, I read in the Flier about the record amount of Memphis bands that placed SXSW this year, and I must say I felt a lot of jealousy and sadness over it. Not particularly because I just wanna play SXSW so badly (even though I’d love to), but just because it makes me want to be playing music I really love and have a strong desire to work for. Looking back at the old Dis-missile/Process of Moving stuff, it all seems outdated (because it is) and like nothing I’d ever listen to now. Obviously, I’m not influenced at twenty-four by the same things I was influenced by at seventeen, but what I do really miss about that band was how much I really loved being in it and contributing to it. I wrote the bulk of those lyrics, and I really busted my ass every day to further that band and work towards making it a legitimate artistic outlet for myself. After that all fell apart, I felt pretty sour about having put that much work into something for it to end like it did, and I’ve since then just kinda resigned myself to being a drummer over being an artist. I play along with what’s presented to me, and I’ve sort of fallen into this roll of being a hired drummer. And I’m good at that, but the work is not what I want to be. It would be one thing if I was constantly getting gigs and it was paying, but it’s not and it’s just causing me to look at playing as work and it’s turning me off a lot to playing, which feels awful. I do love playing in the Unbeheld with musicians who can all play their asses off. We write music that is challenging for me as a player, we have a respectable little following, we write what we want to write and play the shows we want to play and we have integrity and all that cool stuff, but it still is not what I would choose to do if I started my own band. Really none of the music I’ve played since college has been. That’s not to say I haven’t had an amazing time and done some things that I will be proud of my whole life, but the truth is, I wish I could create something of my own. I see friends of mine like Brandon Jazz and more recently Travis who have said “I have something that I want to do with my music, so I’m going to write these songs and find a band to play them” and I’m for that sort of creativity and pride that I know goes along with doing what you want to do as an artist. Playing a non-melodic instrument kind of hinders me in that respect. I want to learn to play piano. And I wish I could sing. I want to not just be inspired, but to actually have a channel for my inspiration, and I realize that every moment I sit here playing on the internet or playing video games or smoking or jerking off or whatever the hell else I do with my day could be better spent furthering myself as a musician, and, well, I don’t really have any conclusions past that. I know I want to be better than I am, so I guess that’s a start.

In some positive news, my good friend Lauren Rae has told me that four-leaf clovers are caused by a genetic mutation that can be triggered with urine. I have chosen a spot of clover at the Paintball Park and I am going to make some luck.

Also, I have adopted a pet mouse who lives at the Park. I feed him and he scurries around. This is the extent of our relationship.

Media currently being digested, either for the first time, or again:

Richard Dawkins – The God Delusion
Christopher Moore – You Suck: A Love Story
Dave Eggers – How We are Hungry
Animal Collective – Merriweather Post Pavillion
The Hold Steady’s entire catalogue
The National – Boxer
Charlie Kaufman’s body of work
And, um, the Wolverine: Old Man Logan story arc is pretty cool.

Finally, here’s a few videos I’m enjoying watching this week:

The Arcade Fire - "Neon Bible" in an elevator



The National - "Fake Empire" live on Letterman



Cursive - "From the Hips" live on Letterman




I wrote the above post at work and then came home to post it. On the way, I heard "Stop Playing Guitar" by the Promise Ring

"So if I had a dime for every time I should stop playing guitar and put my nose in a book, then my head would be healthy and my guitar would be dusty, but that just might save me from a bunch of bad songs."